Memento Mori: What It Means and How to Practice It

What the phrase means

Memento is the imperative of the Latin verb meaning “to remember”. Mori is the infinitive “to die”. So the phrase literally says “remember to die”, which in natural English means “remember that you must die”.

The phrase spread in Christian Europe, where it was used in sermons, carved on tombs, painted in still lifes with skulls, hourglasses and wilting flowers, and engraved on pocket watches and rings. A whole genre of painting, the vanitas, was built on it. In that tradition the reminder of death served a religious purpose: to prepare the soul for judgment.

The Stoics had a different purpose, and it is the one that has made the phrase popular again. For them, remembering death was a way of living well now.

What the Stoics said

The idea runs through all three of the Roman Stoics whose writings survive.

Marcus Aurelius returns to death more than to any other subject in the Meditations. In Book 4, in George Long’s translation: “Do not act as if thou wert going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over thee. While thou livest, while it is in thy power, be good.” In Book 2: “Since it is possible that thou mayest depart from life this very moment, regulate every act and thought accordingly.” He reminds himself that Alexander the Great and his mule driver ended in the same place, and that even the most famous names are soon forgotten.

Epictetus, in chapter 21 of the Enchiridion, advises: let death and exile and everything that seems terrible be daily before your eyes, but most of all death, and you will never think anything mean, nor desire anything excessively.

Seneca made mortality the theme of his essay On the Shortness of Life. His argument is that life is long enough if we use it well, but we waste it on ambition, other people’s business, idleness and pleasures, and then complain that it was short. In his letters he describes each day as a small life, and advises Lucilius to hold every hour, since we die a little every day.

The slave in the triumph

A story often attached to memento mori is that when a Roman general celebrated a triumph, riding through the city in a chariot, a slave stood behind him holding a crown over his head and whispering “memento mori” to keep him humble.

The image is attractive and partly grounded. Several ancient writers mention a slave or public servant who rode in the chariot holding the crown, and some report that he reminded the general that he was a man. Tertullian, writing around 200 AD, reports the words as “look behind you, remember you are a man”. But the specific phrase “memento mori” in this context does not appear in the ancient sources, as far as is known. It is a later embellishment.

It is a small point, but this site tries to keep the history straight. The idea of reminding the powerful of their mortality is genuinely Roman. The exact slogan is not.

Why it works

Remembering death changes judgments about value. That is its whole mechanism, and it is very Stoic.

It shrinks the trivial. A quarrel about who left the dishes, a slight at work, a bad review: under the light of mortality, most of these look as small as they are.

It makes the important urgent. The conversation you have been postponing, the visit you keep delaying, the work you care about but never start. If time is limited, these move up the list.

It weakens fear. Paradoxically, thinking about death regularly tends to make people less anxious about it, not more. Seneca argued that the person who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.

It improves conduct. Marcus Aurelius’s line is the key one: while you live, be good. Memento mori is not about death. It is about the quality of the life before it.

How to practice it

The practice should be brief and regular. Some ways to do it:

• A morning line. Add one sentence to your morning preparation: “I may not have many days. How do I want to spend this one?”
• The evening question. In your evening review, ask: if this had been my last day, what would I regret? Then use the answer for tomorrow.
• The time count. Some people find it useful to see their life as a finite number of weeks or summers. A rough count of how many more times you are likely to see a distant friend or an aging parent can be sobering and motivating.
• An object. Many Stoic enthusiasts carry a coin or keep an object on their desk as a reminder. It is not necessary, but it can help if you find you forget the practice.
• A walk. Visiting an old cemetery, reading the dates on the stones, is an ancient and effective reminder. Many people find it peaceful rather than sad.

How it goes wrong

Memento mori is a strong medicine, and it is not for everyone at every moment.

• If you are grieving, the practice may be unnecessary or painful. Grief already brings mortality close. Give it time.
• If you live with anxiety or depression, thinking regularly about death may make things worse. The Stoics were writing for people they knew. You know yourself. If it hurts, stop.
• If you have had thoughts of ending your life, this is not a practice for you right now, and it is worth talking to someone you trust or a professional. In the US, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
• If it becomes an aesthetic, skulls, slogans and merchandise, it has turned into the opposite of its purpose, which is to live more simply and more fully.

The test is simple. Done well, memento mori makes you kinder, clearer and more present. If it is making you darker or more fearful, put it down.